Foreword

There have been several books published on sexual abuse, with the vast majority written by professionals giving advice to abused people.

Undoubtedly, these can be helpful ... but the only person that can ever truly understand the horrific experience that is sexual abuse is the victim.

It is very difficult for these books, usually based on research carried out in the USA or Canada and originally published there, to reach someone experiencing the horrors of sexual abuse in a council estate in the East Midlands.

But before you read this book, there are a few points that you may not be aware of concerning sexual abuse.

Firstly, sexual abuse is not primarily about sex, it is about abuse. It is about power, control, and the humiliation and degradation of another human being.

Child abuse is probably mankind at its sickest and we are rightly horrified whenever we learn about it. In the main, we are shocked that somebody could do such a thing to a child, a totally defenceless and innocent child who looks to an adult for trust and unconditional love.

But we would be wrong if we concentrated exclusively on the ‘child‘ aspect of the abuse. And we would be way off the mark if we thought for a moment that it was a childhood experience that might somehow fade away as time went by.

What is often not appreciated - and what this book highlights - is the long-term effect that abuse can have on a person. Many abused people choose to blank their experience out and ‘get on‘ with their lives, but does it ever really go away?

Abuse changes the way a person sees everything, how they perceive the world and the people in it. It takes away valuable experiences that we all take for granted. And it steals time from a person’s life that can never be returned.

The effects of abuse can take many forms. In Sylvia Hurt’s case, it has shown itself in her refusal to appear attractive to others, especially men, which has led to a soul-destroying compulsive eating disorder.

When people see Sylvia, all they see is a fat person who has ‘let herself go’. They don’t see someone who has been mentally scarred from childhood and is fighting a daily battle against what that abuse has done to her.

To be honest, why should they? We cannot assume that everybody whose appearance does not conform to our own standards has had a sad childhood and been the victim of some terrible abuse. But maybe we could at least think for a second or two that there might be something more than what we see on the outside.

Some may say that many of Sylvia’s observations in this book - for example she says she was showing the classic signs of an abused child and asks why nobody recognised them - benefit from hindsight and a modern-day outlook. But are we so sure that we would spot these signs today? How many abused and lonely children - and adults - are out there who either cannot communicate what they feel or are too terrified to speak out?

One important point worth remembering above all others is that abuse is something carried out by people who have a problem. Those who are put down, humiliated, molested and raped are not the problem. It is not their fault and they should never, ever feel guilty about what has been done to them.

Standing up against abuse of any sort is often extremely hard but they should not allow these shallow people to transfer their worthlessness on to them.

Abuse is a vile practice that not only ruins lives but can sometimes even lead to death and everything possible should be done to stop it. That means speaking out ... every battered wife, husband or partner, everyone that is bullied, raped or abused, and everyone who knows these things are happening ... they must make their voice heard because silence only protects and encourages the abuser.

Many people who are abused remain silent for obvious and not so obvious reasons ... feelings of shame, disgust, embarrassment, even what they believe to be love.

Far too many remain victims for the rest of their lives and never express how they feel. Their deep- seated anger is often taken out on the wrong people and a destructive chain reaction can begin.

But Sylvia Hurt says she is no longer a victim ... she is a survivor.

As Sylvia puts it: "I find thinking about what happened to me disgusting and degrading. Nevertheless, I have to write about it. It is a way of cleansing my body and mind. This poison has been festering in me for too many years."

Writing the book, she says, "breaks my heart and sets the tears flowing. The pain is almost too much to bear but I have to do it. I have to cleanse my body of the cancer, the filth and the shame."

As well as helping herself, Sylvia hopes that going through this painful process of remembering and recounting events in frightening detail will help the tens of thousands of abused people who will not speak of their experiences to realise that the problem is not theirs ... indeed, it was never their fault.

We should always remember that victims of abuse are people first and foremost, people stripped of their self-respect and dignity. And nobody - but nobody - deserves to be treated this way by another human being.

Says Sylvia: "If this book can prevent just one more person from suffering the horrors of sexual abuse, it will have been worthwhile."

One final point. This book has not been ‘ghost-written‘. Sylvia Hurt is the genuine author and you will be reading her words and hearing her voice. And as she articulates her pain, ask yourself this: "How was this person ever described as ‘not much above the level of sub-normality’?"

Rory Baxter, Editor, The Word Factory, Nottingham. January 1998